mental health

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Anxiety and stress generally come with holidays. This is especially true this year as we all deal with a pandemic too. Families are making decisions about whether to gather, which isn’t an easy decision to make. When stress runs high, it is important to keep moving. Physical activity is important for your overall health, but can help with your mental health situation during these difficult times.

If you’re looking for something new, you might give mindful meditation or yoga a try. Yoga is usually slow-moving, focuses on breathing, improves balance, and can improve flexibility. This short video from MU Extension might help get you started. It was created for beginners.

And if you need a bit of sunshine, you might check out this video from a few years ago. It features Glennon Doyle Melton, an alcoholic with an eating disorder who spent time as a teenager in a mental hospital. This presentation at a TEDx event in Michigan lays it all on the table and identifies her “brutiful” life. It has some aspects which you can probably identify, and she’s a little funny in the telling. It is a reminder that we all have vulnerable times and need to learn to ask for help.

Mental Health Check-In

We do regular screenings and physicals with a doctor; or we should. It is time we started doing some regular mental health screenings too. The simplest way to ensure good mental health is to regularly “check-in” on your own mental health. You might do this daily, weekly, or monthly. It can be difficult at first do make the task regular, but a bit of discomfort when assessing your own mental health is to be expected when you first get started. Here are some good questions to include.

Asking yourself about your overall wellness is important, so when you assess how you’re feeling, include both your mental and physical health. In fact, certain aspects of mental health can influence your physical health.

The headspace question is really about determining if there is too much going on up there. Are there so many tasks and ideas roving about that it makes it difficult to get any of them done? Basically, this question has you assessing your stress level.

Question 3 is about depression and anxiety. These often lead to a loss of appetite. It also helps you assess if you’re really upset about something or just hangry!

Fatigue and insomnia can often be signs of larger issues too, so assessing this on a regular basis might help you determine changes and shifts in your sleep patterns. A smart watch can be helpful for this too. Although I don’t put much stock in my Garmin’s sleep data, I do check on my average sleep time about once a month. We could all use a little more rest, and checking it regularly is a helpful reminder.

The question about joy…I don’t take much stock in the lady who says to rid your home of items that don’t bring you joy. (There are a ton of functional items in my home that don’t particularly bring me joy. There’s the whole washer/dryer stacked unit downstairs. Does it bring joy?) When you’re assessing your mental state though, if you’re repetitively finding it difficult to find things that will bring you joy, it might be time for a change or to reach out to some one who can help you find your way back to those things that provide joy.

In times of such great uncertainty, stress can multiple. It is important to do things to survive, but not just survive; we need to be able to recover as well. None of us know when that might happen, but a recent article from Harvard University addresses how you can survive this time of turmoil.

Step back. When traumatic events are occurring, whether it’s a natural disaster, pandemic, or mass shooting, you need to stay abreast of the news, but the goal is to stay informed without increasing your anxiety level. Turn off the notifications on your phone, and be particularly wary of spending too much time on social media.
Take action. To take back some control, get involved in activities that can help others or address the situation. Volunteer, or help with food drives.
Reach out. Social connections are crucial in difficult situations. If you can’t see people in person, then connect with the help of technology, such as video conferencing or even a simple phone call.
Get rose-colored glasses. While advice to look on the bright side in the face of hard times may seem trite and unhelpful, don’t scoff. Evidence shows that positive thinking and having the ability to reframe a situation in more positive terms can help people become more resilient in the face of problems.
Be patient. Moving on from a traumatic event takes time. Allow yourself time to grieve.
Get help. Make sure that sadness and stress don’t cross over into depression. The symptoms can be similar to stress and anxiety, but if they last more than a couple of weeks and get in the way of functioning at home or work, it is time to reach out for help.

Mental Health Questions to Ask Others

If you’re looking to assess the mental health of your children living at home, you might consider this article that offers some questions as a guide. It might assess mental health or just open good dialogue with your young adolescent.

And because more resources and options are better for some people, you can check out these questions for connecting with friends during this difficult time.

Mental Health America has some interest self-assessment tools that you might check out too. The assessments are fairly simple, and the website tries to connect you to resources based on your mental health needs.

Community Actions

If you’re interested in doing more to help with the mental health of our community, you might consider taking a Mental Health First Aid course. It is a simple way to show you care for the community and can equip you to help those around you. Several courses are being offered for free, and there are different courses for adults and those working with adolescents. You can learn more here.

Say Something Foundation

Guest Spot by Jeff Tripp

On September 27, 2018, our daughter, Camryn, ended her life by suicide, thus bringing an end to a lifelong battle with mental illness that most did not know she had. On the outside, Camryn appeared normal, engaging in activities that others her age were involved in. But she could never understand why she felt the way she did. She was a gifted singer and student, but her greatest gift was the ability to “act” normal and say all the right things. It wasn’t Camryn’s responsibility to reach out for help. She tried many times, but it was the misunderstandings of those who loved her that allowed her to take her own life. It is these misunderstandings that our foundation hopes to change.

Camryn’s story is unique, but it is not necessarily an untold story. Each year thousands of young people make the same decision: to walk away from their pain and their suffering. Suicide is the second leading cause of death for people ages 10-24, yet it is the one topic we don’t discuss.

Suicide does not discriminate. While most people who make the choice to take their own life suffer to some degree from mental illness, suicide has become an option for anyone struggling with life in general. Young people who just have a bad day can make that choice and are doing so at an alarming rate. On average, 5 out of 30 young people will consider suicide, 4 will make a plan to commit suicide, and 2 will actually attempt suicide. Females will attempt 3:1 more times compared to males, while males will succeed 4:1 more times compared with females.

While it can be difficult to recognize the signs, 80% of those who attempt suicide showed warning signs of their intentions. These might include thoughts of suicide, anxiety, or depression. It could simply be a feeling of overwhelming helplessness or a feeling of “no escape” brought on by rejection, hurt, or anger. The Say Something Foundation aims to help not just those afflicted with suicidal thoughts, but anyone who feels a struggle to get through life. The foundation was founded in memory of Camryn, and it doesn’t promise to put an end to suicide. Instead, the mission and vision is to raise awareness for those who are in the struggle, in addition to providing resources for those who need the help and/or want to help in an effort to reduce suicidal attempts. The organization is made of up nearly 100 volunteers, mostly young students, who are trained on the signs of suicide and how to handle someone who might be struggling. Volunteers are trained to “say something” when they feel it is appropriate.

To Say Something is to encourage others, but it also means to identify those in the struggle and have the courage to reach out and offer help. In addition to these effort, the Say Something Foundation offers scholarships to seniors, grants to groups, resources for families, small support groups, and grief support groups. In the past two years, approximately $30,000 has been raised and been used for scholarships and helping those in the struggle by either providing them support or helping with medical costs.

If you want more information on suicide or have an interest in educating yourself to help someone, please contact the Say Something Foundation at 314-520-7103 or 314-623-0164 (call or text). You can also email [email protected]

Guest Spot by Jeff Tripp. Learn more about him and the foundation he started using the button below.

Say Something Foundation

The Say Something Foundation is hosting their first cornhole tournament at the farmers’ market pavilion on September 26, 2020. For details, you can check out the Facebook event page.

September is National Suicide Prevention Month

Watch this short video. It won’t take long. I’ll wait…

Nothing like an uplifting video to encourage you, right? This one just misses all the “uplifting” parts and gives statistics. The video is only looking at data from 1999 through 2016, so the last four years aren’t included. Even more importantly, the last 7 months aren’t included. Did you catch the implication though?

Rarely is suicide caused by just one thing.

There are usually multiple contributing factors. Did you catch those from the video? Let’s consider each of these in light of a pandemic.

relationship problems—I am sure that no one is experiencing any of those during the pandemic. HA! How many couples do you know of that have split or are getting COVID divorces right now? My list has 3, and I don’t know that many people!
substance abuse—have you driven past a liquor store lately? If you think their business fell off, you’d be mistaken. In fact, a March news piece by KSDK started this way: “One way Americans are coping with the new coronavirus? Booze. U.S. sales of alcoholic beverages rose 55% in the week ending March 21”. It is true that some people were stocking up in anticipation of the stay-at-home order/apocalypse, but 55% is a lot!
recent crisis—I can’t think of any recent crisis…can you?
job loss—when the economy was shut down, there were layoffs, changes in job descriptions, and more Zoom meetings than you could shake a stick at. This contributed to…
financial stress—as if not knowing what to do all day after getting laid off wasn’t bad enough, there was the additional burden of still making ends meet. The reality is that some of us are poor planners and made additional investments in toilet paper and alcohol (see #2 above). The magnitude of the scarcity of items is astounding and causes stress on its own. Add to that the inability to pay for basic groceries, housing, and fuel, and we’re a pretty stressed community.

All joking aside, what do we do?

Identify and support people at risk of suicide.
Teach coping and problem-solving skills to help people manage challenges with their relationships, jobs, health, or other concerns.
Offer activities that bring people together so they feel connected and not alone.
Connect people at risk to effective and coordinated mental and physical healthcare.

That’s a really nice list, but none of those are specific, actionable items. How does one “support people at risk of suicide”? Which coping mechanisms should we be teaching, and what is child appropriate when dealing with kids?

During September, we’ll focus on actual actions we can take individually and as a community. And true to form, I’ll try to introduce all of these things with a bit of levity. It’s a hard subject; unpleasant and dark. It needs to be talked about though. There are many indications that being open about mental health is healthy.

Here’s your first lesson:

Men are more likely to die by suicide than women, but women are more likely to attempt suicide. (That’s right. We’ve found the one aspect where men are better!) Men are more likely to use more lethal methods, such as firearms or suffocation. Women are more likely than men to attempt suicide by poisoning. However, all genders, ethnic groups, and ages are at risk. If you’re trying to identify if someone is at greater risk, here are some possible indicators. The person:

has attempted suicide in the past.
suffers from depression and other mental health disorders.
has a history of substance abuse.
has a family history of suicide or substance abuse.
has experienced physical or sexual abuse.
has been in jail or served a prison sentence.
experiences a prolonged medical illness.
is between 15-24 years of age or over 60.

Obviously, a person might have experienced one or two of these and not currently be at risk of suicide. However, when evaluating who might need a mental health check during this pandemic, a person with some of these might be the best place for you to start making your calls, sending your emails, hunting for stamps for archaic letters, and planning your appropriately distanced in-person visits. Incidentally, staying connected and asking about the mental health of your friends and family is one way to support those who are at risk of suicide. More about that and more next week.

Improving Healthy Relationships

There is research that indicates there are health benefits to having good friends. We often don’t know how to maintain and improve those relationships though. It seems like once you’re friends with someone, the idea of changing or improving the relationship is somehow awkward. As children, we don’t feel this hesitant, but we also don’t change our BFF like underwear, either. As adults, maintaining and strengthening friendships is important, and here are some ideas from Psychology Today that make it easier.

Ask a question you’ve been putting off, because you thought you didn’t have time to talk about it. Confiding in each other is important. Taking the time to ask questions and respond to questions and concerns is a big part of being a good friend.
Think of a memory that makes you laugh, and text or email it to your friend. A bit cheesy, I’ll admit. It allows you to connect based on a past shared experience though. Healthy reflection is…healthy.
Reveal something about yourself that you need to talk through but feel vulnerable about. This requires trust and time. You might think that you don’t have the time for this sort of vulnerability, but you might re-evaluate that. It could be that you need to do more to strengthen that bond of trust.
Figure out a date that’s important to your friend — their birthday, their anniversary, or even a difficult milestone in their lives, like a parent’s death — and write it in your calendar so that you will know to do something personal when the time comes. This doesn’t mean adding “Happy Birthday” to their Facebook wall either. A written note goes a long way.
Plan the next time you can see each other in person — and if that’s not possible, plan a time to catch up, for real. Anticipation is great. We frequently have large gatherings at our house, but if you get invited more than a few days in advance, that is really something. The “fly by the seat of my pants” saying fits me too well, and deliberately planning something weeks in advance only happens a few times a year for me. Intentionally seeking moments to spend with a friend are something that needs improvement.
Write a thank-you note to your friend about something they’ve done that means a lot to you. It is particularly meaningful if the friend did something and is totally unaware of their impact too.
Take 15 minutes to send a funny postcard or a small package of your friend’s favorite candy in the actual mail. No, this isn’t an advertisement for the US Postal Service, but it is nice to receive something that isn’t junk mail. (Two notes on this from experience: Be mindful of weather because chocolate melts! and Wrap items well***ants!)
Let your friend in on a personal goal that you’ve been working on — and see if you can be accountability partners for each other. Celebrating successes further strengths your bond.
Tell your friend about something new in your life that they may not know about. If it is important to you, it can be important to your friend too.
Try to recall your last conversation, and vow to follow up on something specific from it the next time you communicate. This takes me a bit; usually about 20 minutes after a conversation, I remember that I should have asked about… It is difficult for me to keep those things in mind, but I’ve found that even the next day, I can always connect with the person again simply to ask the question that I forgot to ask.

You can learn more about strengthening friendships by reviewing the article in Psychology Today, written by Andrea Bonior Ph.D.

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